Visit Utah! We have Super Wal-Marts!

So, my accommodation is almost completely sorted out for my entire U.S.A trip. It's been a long, drawn-out process with moments of panic ("Christ, these crazy Elvis fans book well in advance don't they?"), moments of ecstasy ("That is the most awesome bed and breakfast I've ever seen!") moments of sadness ("Oh crap, it's in Arkansas") and moments...of disbelief.

That was in my confirmation email from the hostel in Salt Lake City, Utah. You know you're in trouble when you're visiting a city which has the library and a Super Wal-Mart listed as the main attractions. I love the sound of my hostel though (free internet is always a drawcard), on the reservation site it claims 'We take credit card holders only for a more select clientele' and 'Felons need NOT apply' (do parking tickets count?).

I think I'll tell them I dyed my hair red and black for a dare...

9 Days To Go - How to Get From Washington to Connecticut and Back In 60 Days (Before My Greyhound Pass Expires).

The laziest blogger in history returns with another update about my USA Travels and I'll warn you lot now, it's the bumper edition. My date of departure is arriving at breakneck speed (where the hell did June disappear to? I looked behind the couch and everything, yet just like those free Hoyts movie passes I had, most of the month vanished into thin air) and I'm still not completely sure of what I'm doing (for example I have no idea where I'm staying in Vegas, I may have to get hitched to some random for a few days just for the assurance of accomodation).

The good news is my first port of call has already been confirmed for months - beautiful Seattle, where I'll be based until July 22nd and hopefully I'll be deaf by the time that date rolls around so as I make my way further South, I won't have to listen to that accent. After the 23rd, the chances of my plans going balls-up are all too likely to happen. That being said I do have a decent itinerary of places I'm going to visit and for the benefit of the five of you who might actually be interested in where I'm going, my confirmed destinations are as follows:

Seattle, Washington (30th June - 22nd July)

Why?

Duh. Also, it's where good music was invented and I can bomb the hell out of the Pike Place Market-dwelling retards who thought combining fish and business pseudo-psychological bullshit was a brilliant idea (it took THREE people to come up with that book? I'm aware that they're Americans but I can't get over the fact that it took THREE authors to write a book I wouldn't give to a three year old child for fear of insulting their intelligence) . Note to any FBI/CIA operatives reading this, I won't really be bombing anything plz don't revoke my visa.

Salt Lake City, Utah (July 3rd - 8th)

Um, Why?

I want to get myself a pair of Magic Mormon Underpants, although that women's top garment thing doesn't look very uplifting. Do you wear a bra underneath that? Are Mormons allowed padded support? I know these undies protect the body from Satanic evil and car crashes and whatnot, but does Jesus use his divine power to help prevent sagging?

I digress. Some of Milly's gang and I are roadtripping to Utah (with an overnight stop in some camping ground in Idaho, oh my god) to see some arches in some national park. We're also checking out the sights and sounds of Salt Lake (Tabernacle Choir anyone?) but really, I'm just in it for the underwear so I'll have my you-know-what covered for the rest of my trip.

San Francisco, California (July 23rd - 29th)

What for?

We're all well aware of my fag-haggotry. San Fran looks like the one part of California I can deal with, plus there's good shopping, good food and there's Pope St (I am going to find the Cho bookshop if it's the last thing I do). I'm giving myself a good week here as I do plan to visit the surrounding areas and I swear it's for more reasons than just me having the opportunity to sing 'Do You Know the Way to San José?' The Winchester Mystery House, San Jose, CA (photo courtesy of the website)

Las Vegas, Nevada (July 30th - August 4th)

Why?

Because it's Vegas and as much as I hate gambling, everyone has been telling me to go there. It's a rite of passage. It's where The Killers are from! It gave the world Siegfried and Roy! And...um, Panic! At The Disco (?!) Plus, it will be deliciously tacky, I'll get some great photos and the idea that I could be singing Luscious Jackson's 'Sexy Hypnotist' when I'm really lost on the strip - that's way too good to pass up.

Albuquerque, New Mexico (August 4th - 10th)

What in the hell possessed you to pick there?

You have nooooo idea how excited I am.

Initially I picked Albuquerque because I want to go somewhere South that doesn't house Bush and doesn't have people either playing a banjo or sporting a shotgun on their front steps every 100 metres. Also, it had a really funny name and I thought I'd identify with the city since I come from the Land of the Long, Hilarious Place Names (and they're all in NSW).

Also, why, yes...I was a Warner Bros fan.

Then I actually researched the place and it's bloody gorgeous! I hear Santa Fe is similarly lovely, so a day trip or two is definitely on the cards.

Roswell, New Mexico (August 10th - 11th)

Why?

For laughs, mostly. I needed to waste a couple of days before I hit Arkansas and Roswell's on the way and I thought I'd um, crash overnight *dodges tomatoes*. Imagine the photos that will come out of this crazy, crazy town. I'm so annoyed that the UFO festival is in July.

Amarillo, Texas (August 11th - 12th)

What in the hell for? It's like...Texas that isn't Austin?

For the record, I'd love to go to Austin but it's not on the way to anywhere and I've booked my hotel room in Arkansas on the 12th :( . Amarillo is going to suck, hardcore, as I get there at 4pm in the afternoon and have to LEAVE at 4:50am the next day. Ugh. The thing is, I couldn't not stop here, seeing as my main reason for going on a cross-country USA tour was to find the tacky and Amarillo is at the forefront of Great American Tacky. There are four reasons to come here if you're game, according to an American ex-colleague who hates everything to do with Texas (except Austin). One is the Big Texan Steak Ranch, this tremendously tacky restaurant with a big, idiotic-looking cow out the front and big, idiotic-looking Americans on the inside. And then there's me, who doesn't even eat steak. So why am I bothering? Because the big, idiotic-looking Americans occasionally get up on a platform and try their luck at eating a 4 1/2 pound steak (that's roughly the weight of a premature baby, ewwww) in under an hour. If they manage to eat the whole meal (there's a side salad which requires eatin' too) then they get it FREE. Yee-haw! I think I'll be having me some Chicken Fried Steak with Cream Gravy...

Then, apparently there's the largest cross in the northern hemisphere at one end of town...and three huge silos full of porn at the other. Oh my god. Only in Texas could this be possible.

The fourth reason is this:

This, my friends is the Cadillac Ranch, just outside of town. There are a bunch of old cadillac cars, buried halfway in the ground and stuck at the angle of the Cheops pyramid in Egypt. Visitors are encouraged to make their mark on one (or a few, or all) of the cars at any time of the day or night.

Little Rock, Arkansas (August 12th - 14th)

Christ, why?

Admittedly, there's bugger all to do here...but look at where I'm staying. Yeah.

Memphis, Tennessee (August 14th - 17th)

My problem with Memphis is that I have far too much to do here. Sun Studios, Graceland, The Center for Southern Folklore, STAX Museum of Soul etc. That and there's a few pilgrimages - Sun Studios is one of course (the 1950's being my decade...musically speaking) and the Wolf River (R.I.P Jeff) and then there's Elvis. I had no idea when I planned this trip that my stay in Memphis was directly coinciding with Elvis Week. Even better, it's the 30th Anniversary of his death. Brilliant timing or WHAT?! It's going to be insane. Expect many, many photographs.

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (August 18th - 20th)

Er...why?

1. Squirrel Hill
2. It's where Queer As Folk is set (most of the show, however, was filmed in Toronto).
3. It's also where the Daniel Handler novel Watch Your Mouth is set.
4. I've...got nothing. I needed to go somewhere after Memphis to chill out for a couple of days.

New York City, New York (August 21st - Sept 3)

Why?

Duh.

Hartford, Connecticut (Sept 3rd - Sept 6th)

Why would anyone voluntarily go to a place labelled 'The Insurance Capital of America'?

A few reasons actually. For starters, I blame Find Your Spot (have you ever done that quiz? If you have, I want to know what results you got and if you haven't, do it now) for thinking that I either belong here, in Portland, Oregon or (their first pick) Little Rock, Arkansas (whatttt). Hartford seemed to be the most promising out of the three. Then I discovered these photos (bless you, Wikipedia):

(L-R: Mark Twain House, Trinity College, The Connecticut State Capitol).

Also: did you know Katharine Hepburn, the greatest actress of all time, lived in Hartford? I sense there will be pilgrimages during my stay here, oh yes.

Boston, Massachusetts (Sept 6th - Sept 9th)

Why, you traitorous huss? We thought you were a good daughter of the British Empire who enjoyed a sweet cup of tea?

I do. However, I do want to make my trip a little bit educational (mostly to please my Grandpa who won't want to know about all my shopping expeditions, educational though they may be) plus I'll be able to check out some Ivy League colleges while I'm on the East coast. I'm a little unnerved about this leg of my trip though, especially after seeing this. That link was on the main page of the Visitors site!?

Chicago, Illinois (Sept 10th - 16th)

Why?

Because I'm a Sufjan Stevens fan. I'm also a Jazz/Blues fan. I'm also, you know, a music fan. If I haven't had my fill in Seattle/Memphis/New York City then I better get it here. Either that, or I'll go over my withdrawl limit with all the decent shopping.


Minneapolis, Minnesota (Sept 16th - Sept 18th)

Ok there's been some pretty bizarre destinations on here but Minnesota?

So, technically speaking, Minneapolis isn't where I'm going to be. It's where I'm going to get off the Greyhound bus so I can hitch a ride to Bloomington, which is where the Mall of America is. Oh baby, American Excess here I come. There's an amusement park in the middle of the bloody mall. There are over 520 stores, including four huge department stores (eat your heart out David Jones!!). There's...an even bigger mall in West Edmonton in Canada.

Portland, Oregon (Sept 20th - 24th)

Why?

Because I've been doing some reading. I'm aiming to stay at the Heathman's Hotel, in Room 803 just to see if my water bottle is mysteriously emptied. I want to visit the Self Cleaning House and I want to see if some chick in a white dress throws herself off the Columbia Gorge Hotel tower. Most of all, however, I want to attend a screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and be 'deflowered'. The most annoying part of this trip is that I'll have to spend nearly two days on a bus just to get there, with transfers in Montana. Ughhhh.

I never realised just how full-on this trip was going to be until I spent four hours writing about it. Let's hope I survive and still have a bit of cash left by the time I leave the U.S around the end of September (I may pop up and see Milly* one last time before I go) and begin a fabulous seven-month stint in Vancouver, Canada**. Have I started planning for that yet? Hahahahaha.


* That's three shameless plugs in one entry! I'm a good friend, I am.
**dates/places subject to change.

43 Days To Go - Check Out My Blonde Routes.

*boom tish* *crickets*

I have remade this map so many times I've officially become the Mistress of Microsoft Paint. This is the one true map of the first leg of my journey, the U.S.A tour (I thought I'd get the worst part over and done with first heh heh heh...only joking Milly). I'm surprisingly overexcited about this trip (further details to come in my next posting) because the more I look into crazy U.S tourist destinations, the more places I find to squeal over. I've started to look forward to going to the South...to the extent where my excitement for my stop in Arkansas is almost more than, say, New York City. What on Earth is wrong with me?

If you can't read the map (my crow seems to be flying over a lot of place names) my nineteen cities of choice, in order of my appearance, are:

Seattle, Washington
Salt Lake City, Utah
San Francisco, California
Las Vegas, Nevada
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Santa Fe, New Mexico
Roswell, New Mexico (yeah I know, three stops in New Mexico and only one in California, go figure)
Amarillo, Texas
Little Rock, Arkansas
Memphis, Tennessee
Nashville, Tennessee
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
New York City, New York
Hartford, Connecticut
Boston, Massachusetts
Chicago, Illinois
Minneapolis/St Paul, Minnesota
Portland, Oregon (after another short stay in Seattle)
Salem, Oregon

Stay tuned for a map of my Canadian destinations...as soon as I can find a map of Canada big and detailed enough to have all my cities on it. It was hard enough finding an American map that had both Pittsburgh AND Amarillo on it at the same time. Someone remind me, why am I stopping in Texas for four hours?

Introduction/Disclaimer

I'm assuming that the vast majority of my readers are friends of mine (uh, Hi Tim) so most of you can feel free to ignore this post. This post is going up in the unlikely event that I turn into something of a social butterfly/blogwhore/internet phenomenon whilst I'm travelling and people start reading this who have absolutely no idea who I am, or what I do.

I'm Sam, as in Samantha. Yes, I am a fan of Tiger Lou. Yes, I did nickname my blog after an English subject I studied at Sydney Uni but in my defence, all the good blog names were taken, it was one of my better subjects (after all, it did introduce me to The Marx Brothers and The Beat Generation and we studied the marvellous T.S. Eliot again) and I am essentially entering into a state where I'm negotiating, transatlantically.* I'm an acerbic young woman, very sarcastic, have a thing for languages and travel but a memory worse than that of a goldfish hence my tendency to remember only the most lowbrow of phrases and forget my most important journeys. I'm prone to excessive comma use and have no sense of spatial reasoning (walk me around a circular room and I will find a corner to bump into - there was no actual point to me listing that, just a fun fact).

I'm also likely to be considered offensive to a sufficient chunk of the population...so in that regard, I'm exactly the same as 99.99% of all other bloggers. If I do offend anyone over the course of this blog (and that's likely to happen if you're American, Canadian, Australian, drink American or Canadian or XXXX/VB beer without complaint, morbidly obese, morbidly skinny, a Scientologist, a Stonecut...Mason, a Mormon, a Christian who doesn't fulfil their religious duty correctly, a member of the Brotherhood, the Moral Majority, a Republican, a Democrat, a Liberal Party voter, a supporter/employee of the RIAA, a Southerner, a Tasmanian, anyone from Adelaide who will admit to it, a Shire folk, a Kiwi (sorry Paul), a NRA member, a talkback radio listener, a reader of Miranda Devine or Samantha Brett or if you read the SMH at all and still think it's an example of well-balanced media, if you have too many opinions that don't match mine, if you have too many opinions that do match mine, if you have no opinions at all, if you dislike italicised text, if you listen to any of the following: third-wave (re: current) whiny emo, one-dimensional R&B/hip-hop divas/groups who recycle exactly the same shit every year and then release a 'greatest hits' album after their sophomore effort, hardcore rap or country, if you consider The Beatles to be the greatest band everrrr in terms of instrumental/lyrical skill/innovation, if you read Dan Brown and enjoy it, if you read, watch or listen to ANYTHING with the word post as an prefix, if you can define any term starting with post- and ending in -ist or -ism...if you enjoy defining any movement starting with post- then I will kick you in the head) IF you fit into any of those categories and do take offence to anything I may write...I apologise in advance.**

My situation is this: For the past 22 years I've been a resident of Sydney, Australia and I'm bloody well sick of the sight of this place. In an attempt to stave off a destiny filled with years of wasted potential, on June 30th, I'm escaping Sydney for the greener pastures of North America and Europe with a view to eventually move somewhere within the borders of one of these continents, seek my fortune and get a life. Before this can occur I have to get lost in each of these areas: The U.S.A (why stay with the copycat when you can go for the original?), Canada, The U.K and greater Europe (because no recent university leaver has ever thought of doing something like this before!), armed with only two working visas, a newly-acquired laptop, a shitload of sweet cashola (which will be reduced significantly by the time all the exchange rates kick in), three decent pairs of shoes (including, here's hoping, these babies perhaps teamed with this and this?), my unfailing sense of direction and well-rounded knowledge of European and American geography***.

So what can you expect from this, my second attempt at coherency through a digital medium? I'm trying to restrict myself to trip-related musings - whether it's the preparation, the act or the aftermath. There will be photo posts, or at the very least, links to Facebook albums. If you don't have Facebook then I suggest you get one. Once I start working, I will most likely rant, it's my one true vocation in life. I will be scoring my entire trip, so look out (or, if you're one of my friends, ignore :P) for music recommendations everywhere. Oh, and I'm a huge fan of the top ten list, an oldie but goodie.

I hope you all enjoy reading my bullshit as much as I enjoy avoiding any real work by writing it.


* Sam is choosing to ignore the people presently crying out 'But Vancouver is on the WEST re: PACIFIC coast!'
**Mission accomplished.
***Me, two years ago: "What? New York City and Manhattan are on some ISLAND now?"

Preface

V

What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make and end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from.
And every phrase
And sentence that is right (where every word is at home,
Taking its place to support the others,
The word neither diffident nor ostentations,
An easy commerce of the old and the new,
The common word exact without vulgarity,
The formal word precise but not pedantic,
The complete consort dancing together)
Every phrase and every sentence is an end and a beginning,
Every poem an epitaph.
And any action
Is a step to the block, to the fire, down the sea's throat
Or to an illegible stone: and that is where we start.
We die with the dying: See, they depart, and we go with them.
We are born with the dead: See, they return, and bring us with them.
The moment of the rose and the moment of the yew-tree
Are of equal duration.
A people without history
Is not redeemed from time, for history is a pattern
Of timeless moments.
So, while the light fails
On a winter's afternoon, in a secluded chapel
History is now and England.

With the drawing of this Love and the voice of this Calling

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always -
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
When the tongues of flames are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one.

Stolen from Little Gidding, in the Four Quartets by T.S Eliot.

Sam's nb: Yes, I am well aware of how cliche it is to use this particular T.S Eliot poem as a first post/commemoration of the start of a huge journey but what else was I supposed to use, The Waste Land?